GET SMART OR GET DICKED

Knowledge can be hell

Can cast an evil spell

Brains turn into gel

Never to be quelled.

Somethings best to know

Others best to go

Life will change its show

Make you feel real low.

I understand the apple

Took time to grapple

Maybe better stupid dumb

Then horrified and numb.

Don’t like stupid dumb though

Not something I really know

But don’t think that’s a good show

End up being someone’s Ho.

Two people only that’s the trick

Of not getting dicked

Of not getting tricked

Too many people

And stupid dumb is licked.

That’s it it’s solved

I have evolved.

Hooray for all I know

I’ll never be a Ho

Have to deal with the show

Created by whatever I know

Whether it makes me high or low.

COME HERE AND PET THE DEER!

Hey look over here

And don’t have fear

How about a beer

You can pet my reindeer.

Don’t mind the frothy mouth

The reindeer might be going south

He jumped in my car right after

That awful car accident disaster.

He told me quietly to drive

He wanted to see the other city side

Before he laid down and died.

But low and behold

The truth be told

He’s been real bold

And life still holds.

So pet him gently now

As he waits to go down south

Leave the land of the sun

And go off to have more fun.

We are the last he’ll see

On the planet with the blue sea

And we should make it good

Like any cool dude would.

Take him to a vet

Forget it just give him a pet

Those dudes will just inspect

Before they lethally inject.

He wants to see the sky

While he waits quietly to die

And I just want him to be happy now

Before he goes up through the clouds.

Aren’t his spots great

I wonder if he had a mate

To bad he crossed the road today

When my car passed in his way.

Goodbye now there he goes

I know by his curling toes

See you later alligator

Hope I see you again later.

Sady Gets Cracked

Sady sat all night

Watching men fight

Such an interesting sight.

Ducking left to right

Fists of fight fly by

Keeping all in sight

Imaginary referee delight.

Genes of warrior days

Fill this play

With a gleeful array

Of enthusiastic knaves.

Trouble then ensues

An uncontrolled brew

Of hormone stew

Took control of the brood.

Crack! Sady was hit

Fell into a pit

Stunk like a crypt

Popped one tit.

Came to in the morn

Her clothes were all torn

Didn’t fill her with scorn

Just got up and went home.

INLAWS! HELLS BELLS!

I went to my in laws today

It went the same way

As it has every other day

Bored to death and having to stay.

Try to be polite and kind

Can’t do it right every time

Sometimes I just lose my mind.

Doting mothers adults turn weak

Makes me sick ‘till I can’t speak

Can’t stand to see any adult seek

That blubbering sappy little kid tweak.

Controlling tendencies come to play

Make sure you don’t stand in the way

There might be hell to pay

Just stay quiet and have nothing to say.

Odd men out stand on the side

Married into exclusionary pride

No one wants to take that ride

Makes you want to puke inside.

Expectations are high

Participate in the family pride

With an exclusionary side

Odd man out on the ride.

I think I’ll have the perpetual flu

That’s the best thing to do

Get away from inlaw blues

And keep it perpetually real and true

Living in the red white and blue.

WIERD STEVE GETS HAIR PLUGS

Look at those terrible plugs

That Steve got do you think he’s bugged

He should’ve stuck with the rug

Maybe we should give him a hug.

Poor Steve he thought this would take him

To greater heights with the women

Love so far has escaped him

But it would help more if he would stop eating bacon.

That tire around him must be heavy

Must be why he drives a Chevy

And now his head looks crazy

He’d be a complete tool if he was lazy.

He does work hard it’s true

Stays way later than me and you

But hell he must have nothing better to do

Poor slob life for him must seem so cruel

Maybe we should invite him to carpool.

Have you ever really talked to him

No not me I only ran in

To him once at the mail bin

He was talking to himself about sin.

Hey there he is what should we do

Let’s just go ahead and ask him to carpool

Hopefully he won’t start to drool

Hopefully he’s kinda cool.

Hey Steve how’s it going today?

Want a ride home at the end of the day?

We live right on the way

To your house on Sycamore Bay.

Steve quickly agreed

But turned quickly to read

His manual on greed

And being an evil seed.

Two hours later they all took a ride

Steve in the back and on the left side

Took his knife out and threatened their hides

They turned it around and cut out his insides.

Damn! Want an asshole Steve turned out to be

Did he really think kindness meant being friendly

What should we do with this asshole’s corpse thing

Should we bury it with the rest of the ring

Of jerk off creeps who do the killing thing.

Sure let’s bury him there

But that’s the last one we can bear

To put in the place near that wild bear

That bear is crazy over there.

Quietly they crept

Passed the place where the bear slept

Making sure not to step

In the place where the bear kept

An eye on the place where they stepped.

Crack!... Shit! The bear is awake

Hurry lift this stupid snake

We gotta run or we’re in for it

Dump this idiot and let’s run real quick.

Swap in one swipe the bear killed the two

Who had killed that most terrible dude

But the bear didn’t know what those two do

He just knew they treaded on his area for food.

The dude and the two were left to rot away

The bear ate a little bit but didn’t stay

To clean it up all the way

And no one found any of those dudes to this day

“Cause no one ever went there to play.

Next time you feel sorry for a creep

Make sure you know him quite deep

Don’t trust your instincts a heap

Those instincts can sometimes cheat

And then you may be beat

With no life left to reap.

THANKS FOR THE WILD INTERNET RIDE

I can’t help fixating

On constantly creating

A blog that is blazing

Making me kinda crazy.

So much fun

I get undone

Go lay in the sun

Shop a little for food and fun

Then back again ‘till I’m done.

Check those stats

Like a breeding nat

Will they like that

Or never come back.

But in fact

I don’t give a crack

About any of that

“Cause I’m a hedonistic rat

Love to write and draw this and that.

But it truly is exhilarating

When stats are escalating

Gets my heart pacing

Better than drag racing.

One thing to get A’s in classes

Another thing to please the masses

Sweet as the sweetest molasses

Makes me want to kiss their asses.

But an ass licker I am not

Well ok once in a while with the cops

But this ride is blowin my top

Reaction makes me never want it to stop.

Am I nuts

Don’t bet your buck

You will get fucked

I am as sound as a Peter Built truck.

This is just a wild ride

Having fun and being high

Elevating from the normal guy

To a sweet fantastic surprise.

Even met a lot of new friends

From every part and every end

Feel connected every time I spend

Any time on the internet spin.

Wow this is really crazy now

Makes my life a bit hazy and how

Makes me want to learn Kung Pow

Get material from every life rouse.

Feed the masses give it to them

Who cares whether they sing hymns

Feed the masses and make them sing

Along with my own crazy things

Ting a ling hear us all sing.

Thanks to everyone for the wild ride

Even if it’s weak on the comment side

It’been great fun for me I hope you realize

My stats on cyber visitors keeps me riding high

Quite a trip for this ever day blogging guy

Leaving me extremely satisfied

Have a great Saturday night

That’s it for now goodnight!

MESSAGE TO LANE THE POSTING BULLY

Oh Lane Oh Lane

Why are you a pain

Don’t you know it’s lame

To be so bully in the posting game

Zillion postings in a row with your name

It’s really quite insane.

If you don’t post it all in a row

With such a feverish blow

Do you feel no one will know

To read your posts so

You give them no where to go

By posting so many in a row?

Or maybe it’s just simply math

Visions of clicking money baths

Take you down your crazed posting path

Self centered visions ignore the wrath.

But how will you ever see

If readers want to actually read

What you write by wiping out the posting seas

When you leave only you to read

And there’s no reading variety to be?

Don’t be afraid Oh Lane

Just play it real in the game

Posting zillions feverishly in a row is insane

And doesn’t bring instant fame to your name.

No such thing as rapid success

Time is the real test

Of what readers like the best

And who they will easily forget

Attention wanes they cry out “NEXT!”.

And those zillion postings only brings disdain

From those writers who play fair in the game

Leave variety to readers to decide what’s lame

Give everyone a chance to claim

The small bits of profit change

That comes from the clicking game

By not posting so many in a day

That it wipes out everyone else’s name.

So get real Lane and get it right

Stop bombarding the site

Where readers come to read and write

That insanity doesn’t reflect writing might

And doesn’t mean you’re out of sight

Just means you need to get it right

And stop being a bully writer on the site.

Hey God! Are you still peeved about Adam & Eve?

Was the world always this way?

People had to work work work the days away?

Was there a time when everyone just played?

Never had to work on any day?

There is one story of Adam and Eve

Until they had to leave

After God got peeved

That they put on fig leaves.

Did those two blow it for all of us?

Make us work every day instead of rest

Too bad they didn’t try their best

To please God and not get Him pissed.

I think that must be it they did

Because there’s no other example of it

On the lines of the world history trip

Man we all got seriously ripped!

Hey GOD what’s up?

I wasn’t involved in that eating stuff

And isn’t enoughs enough?

Time heals all and all that stuff?

I don’t even think I was related to them

Come from a place from another end

My genes have never been kin

With those people say they come from them.

I guess when you punish it’s for all time

But c’mon what you decided to leave behind

Just because two people peeved your mind

Seems too harsh a sentence for that crime.

Would it really be so rough and tough

To let us all go back to living in the buff

Not have to work or do any bullshit stuff

Live a life again that isn’t so rough?

We’re sorry Ok?

We’re all ready to go back and play

Every night and every day

Promise no apples will make us stray

And we’ll throw all of our clothes away

We’ll all get it right for ever and a day

Make you happy every day.

What’s that you say?

Too much knowledge to return life to that way?

That one apple took all hope forever away?

Can’t go back to those old days

Without disrupting the universe laid

So we all have to continue to pay?

Damn! Oops sorry that’s right you don’t like that one

Ok well maybe things can’t be undone

Can’t go back to live every day with pure fun

Can’t go back to buff in the sun.

But hey could you see your way to assure me a lottery win

Sorry just thought I’d try since I had your attention

Well, ok see you later at the end of life’s last station

But by the way thanks for such a wonderful creation

Of this world that I live in except for the part about the work day situation.

Things Are Getting Hazy

This computer’s got me going crazy

Things are starting to look hazy

And dots are forming in the shape of daisies

Is everyone suddenly wearing paisley?

I could break down and turn it off

But what will I do next to stop

The constant thought

Swirling in my brain like a perpetual top.

Wait a 10 minute break may cure me

I’ll just have to force myself to break away and see

If resting my eyes for 10 minutes will be

Enough to allow my eyes to again see

And keep up with the brain in me.

5 minutes have gone by and I ‘m a wreak

I’m getting weaker and starting to sweat

WHERE IS THE MOTRIN KEPT?!

ENOUGH’S ENOUGH’S I GOTTA GO BACK TO IT!

There I’m back now though I still can’t see

But people don’t look that bad in paisley

And my vision has improved from hazy

And my brain is once again happy.

I could be going crazy

From brain pulses that keep me from being lazy

That makes my brain work ‘till my eyes are hazy

And everyone looks like they’re wearing paisley.

Screw it I don’t really care

If I go crazy and everyone stares

I love my computer beyond compare

And my brain likes to write ‘till it’s bare

So I don’t care

If I can’t see over there

Of even if it makes me lose all my hair

I wont get off my computer whatever the fare.

Here Chicky Chicky

Hey chicky come over here

Let me whisper in your ear

Buy you a bunch of beer

Take away all your fears.

Hey I’m not your type

That’s alright

Enough beers tonight

And I’ll look out of sight.

You don’t drink

Well that just stinks

Takes me to the brink

What if I buy you a mink?

That’s right I have money

I’m what you’re looking for honey

I’m even pretty funny

Even have a six pack tummy.

Does that help tonight

To forget I’m not your type

It really isn’t hype

Go with me and you’ll be more

Than alright.

I’m just looking for a chick

Who knows all the tricks

To keep my life hip

Even though I’m a drip.

Won’t tell her more

Like how she’ll have to be my ho

How I won’t let her ever walk out the door

Make her sweep my dirty floors

For ever more.

Let her find out later

When feelings are greater

Then start telling her I hate her

After I capture the heart of this player.

So you want to go with me?

Step into my Porsche you’ll see

How great life will be

After you give your heart to me.

I’m going to make you mine

‘Till the end of time

Give you a life that’s fine

Never have to work the mine

Life filled with only good times.

Cool step right in

Don’t worry about the sin

This is where life begins

You’ve made the right decision.

Later…..

What’s that? I’m just a one night stand?!

Thought you wanted to take my hand!

Walk with me forever through the sand!

Make me forever your man!

Piece of meat !

That’s all you see!

You just felt horny!

Think I’m too corny?!

Whatever I don’t care

Really wanted to pull your hair

Give you a life you couldn’t bear

So just go on get outta here

And no! you can’t have a beer!

Yak and Doug #4

LOVIN MY WILD MIND

Wild mind wild mind

Do you commit crimes?

Do you have a good time?

Do you have peace of mind?

Don’t be so dramatic you slob

This is how I get away from my job

Where lives the ugly hogs

Whose brains are full of dark logs.

No sense to it it’s just wild

That gives me a way to smile

Live my wild side for awhile

Before I go back to attempts to be defiled

By the devils who work in my pile.

Never to be revealed though

This life must remain a secret so

I can continue to make dough

In the real life I hoe.

Don’t feel bad that’s not the point

I am a great warrior in my work joint

Beat those a*sholes down to a fine point

And then party down at a cool joint.

Make money a plenty on the real side

Just having fun on the wild ride

Of living a piece of the artistic side

Maybe one day it’ll be the real ride.

Until then it’s just a wild ride

Makes it fun inside

Makes me laugh ‘till I cry

Makes it funner to be high

So hope you laugh ‘till you cry

And enjoy my wild ride.

Yak and Doug #3

Tiny Tea Cup Fairy You Have No Control

Tea cup fairies dance and sing

They don’t care about anything

No work at all just sing sing sing

Brings them absolutely everything

They need to make life a happy thing

And continue on to sing sing sing.

Fly around back and forth

Sometimes south sometimes north

Dressed like little tiny whores

Collecting liquor back and forth

To assure they always get more

At the tiny little liquor stores.

.

Sounds distressing how they dress?

They don’t care if you get pissed

They sing all day and forget the rest

So there’s no point to sweat or fret.

You know dressed like little whores

They always get more

And they aren’t real whores

Who spend all day getting sore

Who no one let’s in the door

They just wear the dress of whores

Don’t ever give more

‘Cause it gives them more from the

Liquor store.

Can’t make them change not ever you know

Even if you intentionally step on their toe

Make them work hard with tiny hoes

Or say their bad for dressing like little hos.

They will just go on and sing sing sing

Never realize anything

That you say about their being thing

Regardless of what you decide to bring

To try and stop their sing sing sing

Or their dress like a little whore thing.

So if you see a tea cup fairy flying by

Dressed like a little whore don’t cry

Don’t try to change their life

They just can’t stand to be dry

And just love to get high

But never bother any guy

Unless that guy’s eye

Gets caught by

Their tiny wild side

The side they love to use

to get a free ride

That’s just the tide

Of life going by

For tiny teacup fairy guys.

Yak and Doug #2

COOL OPERATIVE LIVIN IT THE GEEKS WAY

Geeks rule the world

You don’t think that’s true

Look around you fool

At every corporate tool

And every politician fool

Do you think they’re cool?

No no no that isn’t the case

Look at the cool people

All over the place

Geeks don’t run this space.

Cool people are the entire percent

Of everyone whose life is spent

Living it large in a movie tent

Geeks don’t even make a dent

In that tent.

What? Those Geeks pay the salary

Of all those reel worthy kings and queens

Always the ones behind every scene

Making money that is truly obscene.

Ok that’s it I give in

Seems it’s true just can’t win

Geeks rule the world what a sin

What kind of world are we living in?

Ha! Thought you’d see

How better it is to be a Geek

If you’re a Geek you get to speak

Have a better work week

Chance to rule not be meek.

But I don’t want to live like a tool

Become a politician fool

Run the corporate world

So I’ll just stay cool.

Don’t be ridiculous that’s not the way

Can be yourself on almost every day

Except when intercepting power and pay

Then for a moment turn away

And play it the Geek way.

Once you get your power and pay

Hey turn it the other way

Play it cool every hour of every day

Then there’s nothing they can say

To turn you away.

That was my way

And look at where I am today

A cool operative I played it there way

And now I get Geeks power and play

And now live 100% the cool way

Every hour of every day.

If more cool people did that

Just think where we’d be at

Better world for dogs and cats

Better place then where we’re at.

Screw it let’s go back in

Are you going to finish that cig?

Did you hear if Tommy’s driving the rig?

Oh Crap! There’s Mr. Big!

Hurry hide that cig!