Chapter 42 My Own Criminal Rat


Johnny scrubbed his shoes over the emptied house's kitchen floor back and forth as he stayed curled in a ball on the floor. He hoped the rhythm of his scraping would scratch out the thoughts of abandonment that he had. No money, no life, he was screwed again by people he thought would be there for him, taking care of him, to the end. This time he even put his finest effort in and Tatiana hadn't even given him a cut or a thank you. His blood began to boil and he could feel his rage building. He scraped his feat back and forth back and forth but it didn't work to quell the painful rush of thoughts that invaded his mind. He felt tears flood his eyes and could do nothing now but give into it finally. He was superior in every way to everyone but his life was not living up to his own perceived destiny.
 
Thoughts pushed in of his cold father now giving him warmth against the rest of the even much icier world. He longed to be in his old lush bedroom in his father’s castle.  It didn't seem like a castle before he left but looking back Johnny's vision was clearer on just how beautiful it was there. Nothing had compared to that life since and his confidence waned until all he could think to do is go beg his father to let him move back into his house of security and comfort. Tatiana had failed him and so had everyone else. He knew that even if he found her, this betrayal was reality and she would only betray him again.
 
He grabbed his chest and tried to squeeze the pain out. Nothing worked to relieve this pain it dug into him stealing his breath from the soul he had buried so deep he thought it no longer existed. He struggled to lift himself up knowing he had to leave this house before he died in it.  His legs didn't want to move but he pushed on until he was out the door and into the air outside. It surrounded him like an oxygen blast as he struggled to breath it in. It seemed like hours passed as crushed memories of Tatiana ripped away at him all the while he felt he was struggling against death itself.
 
He wouldn't die for her he wouldn't die for anyone. He would go back to his father and share again in his riches. By now, he thought, his father would be overjoyed to see him and forget about his previous ideas to make Johnny work. He could once again relax in that easy life again.
 
Thoughts of his past most wonderful life pushed him forward and gave him renewed strength against all the treachery of Tatiana. His posture began to return as he reached the sidewalk moving in the direction of his father's house imagining how wonderful life would be again until finally he was smiling again. He had no money and his clothes were soaked in the stench of his struggles. This was no way to return to his father and Johnny knew he had to either steal a dumb tourists wallet or turn a quick trick to get cleaned up. He wouldn't tell his father the truth about his life away of course.

A lie would serve him much better in getting what he wanted from his father as knowing the truth would only set Johnny back. He began thinking of the best lies to tell as he headed towards the streets he knew had the ripest crowds of suckers to get the money he needed quickly for fresh dapper clothes and a taxi cab ride to his father's house.
 
By the time he was in the middle of the crowds of tourists he felt like the real Johnny was back. He was headed back to being on top of the world the son of a wealthy man and back to his life of leisure. He had decided on the perfect lie for his father and easily picked the pockets of enough suckers to enact his planned return. He knew he was once again untouchable; a god.
 
Johnny spent the next few hours lavishing himself with his new stolen fortune regaining his strength until he could hardly recognize himself in the mirror. His new clothes and haircut made him look like he belonged in his father’s life of riches. He was impressed with his good clean look and knew his father would definitely approve. He called a cab out and jumped in happily providing the address that always impressed. As the cab jumped forward Johnny giggled happily.

Chapter 41 My Own Criminal Rat

In a moment of lust he whispered in her ear "you are crazy" it was meant with respect but her reaction to it caused him pause. She stopped as if her passion had an off switch and looked at him in a way he remembered all too well "he fucked up" he thought. The wrong words meant one way and taken another. And this was the worst because sex was ,likely off the table now. He tried to save himself and began quickly rambling and engaged in adornment kissing that would cause her to forgive his transgression. It seemed to work as she softened under his touch. He was thankful and she instantly became the hottest chick on earth and sexier then ever. He jumped in again back to his Valhalla and she seemed to too. This was his only heaven on earth. He was steps away from the room where all questioning all thought would stop. Only joy and ecstasy would remain inside him. She responded to his every move and he pushed back any thoughts of forever. There could be no forever for him. He knew that but still that thought like an instinct pushed at him at moments when life seemed perfect with a woman. But it never lasted and he was sick of trying to fix himself or anyone else to make it work.

They tumbled into the room like giddy newlyweds and he grabbed hold of her tight body dropping her to the bed. She was special but he resisted and took the moment instead of the future. She responded in kind without shame holding her back; a real woman. His high drifted into a magically restful sleep; he felt safe and right with the world for a moment.

Morning came too early but he scribbled his usual note and left while she slept. His work was all he really had and he was at acceptance so he didn't want to blow his payroll to frivolity. Before he knew it he was at his desk again. It was fucking ridiculous to him that they criminals stuck in prison created all their desks and chairs. He hunched over and went to work while the memory of Tatiana faded away in the muck as they all did. By the end of his work day he could barely remember her name. He went home sluggish and drained as he pulled himself up to the door of his quaint home. As he fumbled with his key he heard a voice behind him and he quickly turned as all cops did; being jumpy went with the business. Before he turned his head completely he saw her golden hair shimmer in his drained porch light and knew it was her. His gut wrenched as he questioned to himself how she found out where he lived. "Fuck" he thought "she's a fucking kook stalker!" He wanted to draw his gun and get rid of her quickly and easily but even a cop gets in trouble in this town if he pulls his gun so he just brushed his hand by it in longingly.

"Hi" he said " how you doing?" The words stuttered out of his mouth as he analyzed his own performance. He just wanted to sleep and do nothing more but he knew getting rid of her would take some time. "What are you doing here?" He knew saying this opened himself to trouble but he needed to get this over with quickly. He didn't have the stamina for any long session. She stared at him without speaking. She was dressed in the same clothes as the night before and at this realization he began wondering just what he had mixed himself up with. " Didn't you feel the same thing I did? Aren't you glad to see me?" As she spoke the words he rushed towards her and put his strong arms around her. It worked she was his again and he knew it. Now he just had to convince her that never seeing him again was the right thing for both of them.

Chapter 40 My Own Crimnal Rat

Jim looked down at the dull white paper. It was the next problem in a long string of the reality of an unending misery of life that he had experienced for so long it disgusted him. He wished he could regain his previous love for the job but he knew with certainty now that in this life there would be no time of glorious peace; that's heaven, you have to die to get there he thought. He sighed heavily as he watched the mixture of human demons and lost souls pushing by his cluttered desk. At least he was off the beat, his thoughts ran on as he sneered at one particularly disgusting representation of the human race walking by, those guys don't get any warning about what horror they are going to experience next. His mind wandered back to his life as beat cop while he fought to push out his long collection of disturbing memories from that life.

He pushed off his desk with his large but tired hands feeling the pins and needles of too many years of computers. He wanted to run out but knew better than to stand out here.  Do the job of turning the turnstile like an unemotional robot and go home and drink it away was the manageable routine that kept him going and the payroll checks of survival coming in.  But he just couldn't  finish off this day and felt the overwhelming urge to leave not caring if he ever saw another paycheck again. He felt his gun in his holster and it calmed him with the sense of protection he needed now. This was the only shield against  crime overrun everywhere as it has always been. Even Jesus was crucified with thieves and murderers he thought as he threw his emptied coffee cup in the full trash can turning to walk out.

As he walked towards the exit he looked at the floor worn out from relentless steps of the good and the evil. Suddenly his focus was interrupted by a bony nudge. He raised his head and caught the eyes of this one dead on. The gaze made his soul scream. He stepped quicker towards the door scratching at his tie. He filled his mind with the repetitive chant "few more steps few more steps" until sunlight hit him like pure oxygen to a suffocating man.

As he drove down the lumpy streets of Los Angeles he felt his heart beat slower and his body relaxed. Just being away was great therapy but liquor was required to keep the constant march of horrible memories out of his mind. He contemplated his long career and whether it was time to call it quits. The stress was overwhelming him and he needed relief beyond the few hours to the next work day.

He took a long drag off a cigarette and kept his eyes on the road in front of him. He didn't want to see the smut of LA that surrounded him. Even in the so called "good areas" Jim knew evil lived and was trained to see it even when others couldn't.

He had given up on relationships long ago. What his job did to him like most cops his wife was right to divorce him. He found comfort in occasional hook ups with women in the same predicament but for different reasons.

He decided to go to one of his spots to find just that; a little female therapy mixed with whiskey would be perfect medicine he thought as he turned the wheel into the parking lot of Sherries Place. A quiet upscale place that didn't have as many unpleasant people in it as most places and other cops didn't go here. Jim didn't like to spend his off time with his brethren he had enough at work of that.  He still knew it was the cops against everyone else they all knew that. Politicians with their bullshit solutions created greater divisions in people making it more dangerous for all of them.

As he walked through the dark green canopied side entrance to the bar area he pushed out his cigarette. As soon as he entered he did a quick scan for a seat at the bar. The lunch crowd was gone but it was still healthy and when he saw a seat he hurried over to it.

A woman was sitting next to him her flowing blonde hair touching his shoulder with their light strands. She looked eastern block to him, older but still sexy. She slowly drank a martini unattached to anything going on. Jim was considering engaging her but needed time to get a drink down first. The busy bartender tended to his needs swiftly which was one of the reasons Jim liked this place.

Soon Jim had his first drink down and he finally had control his own thoughts again. He decided not to analyze what happened at work anymore. A break had worked in the past and he was working on that for now. Jim had learned that too much thinking could be bad and out of control thinking was much worse.

He drank down the sweet oaky whiskey feeling it coat his whole body with a deeper release. Before Jim had a chance to make a final decision about making a move on the woman she spoke to him. "Hello" she said her voice as sexy as she was with an accent that confirmed to Jim he had it right. "Hello" Jim responded falling into the confidence from his drink with a familiar ease. "What's your name good looking" Jim reached out for more. She tilted her head toward him her blonde hair glistening. Jim became mesmerized in her deep eyes. "Tatiana and thank you. You are pretty dark and handsome yourself" she let out a soft giggle that left Jim wondering about the sincerity of her compliment but with his intentions of a brief encounter it didn't matter to him much.  He wanted to kiss her and forget about the niceties that women who aren't prostitutes wanted before they would allow a kiss or have sex. But he knew being that reckless act would blow it with her so he resisted his urge working instead on being the man she needed him to be to get his time with her and that gave him the highest chance at ending up in bed with her.

"So do you have a name?" She gave him a look that seemed she knew he was excited by her. " Jim laughed "I'm sorry you are just so beautiful. My name is Jim it's a pleasure to meet you. Are you here alone? " as he spoke he reconsidered every word as it left his mouth not wanting to fail with her. "Yes I am. I had a date but he didn't show up so that's over." As she spoke her red lips distracted him but he could hear her words confirming he had a chance.

Hours passed while Jim enjoyed Tatiana's company so much he completely forgot he had another life before he walked into that bar. She was not only beautiful she was smart and funny. Jim lied to her about his job as he always did. Being a cop made people nervous and if it was a criminal you met it made it downright dangerous.  But he was relaxed with her no bells and whistles going off to suspect her as being evil. She seemed to genuinely be enjoying herself too. But Jim didn't try to fool himself into thinking it works like this when he's deep with a woman. This only worked for a short time after that his work life spilled into it and things go bad.

She said she was a healer and he didn't consider it for himself as it wasn't the kind of ritual he was interested in.  She was trying to make people feel better for a living and that was fine with him. He needed to feel better and she was just what the doctor ordered. Jim actually felt happy and against that great low today he felt he was getting a little taste of contentment heaven. He started feeling like himself again and Tatiana fell easy agreeing to extend this escapade to the best end of these encounters for Jim.

He put his arm around her waist feeling her fit form enjoying confirming his previous visual ideas about the body underneath her clothes and his body felt warmer instantly.  She didn't resist instead falling into his body feeling that perfect fit as he did. He arranged to go to her place which was always Jim's preference leaving in a cab so she wouldn't know his car.  She was comfortable enough that Jim knew this wasn't her first rodeo. The address she gave the cab driver surprised Jim because it was in the part of LA that took a lot of money to live in and the address was a high end condominium complex. She didn't seem poor but he didn't think that she was this well off either. But he didn't worry about it Tatiana was fabulous and he stopped caring about anything the whiskey swirling in his brain accentuating his confidence as he moved in close to her.  She reciprocated and Jim fell into the wonderful world of ecstasy only briefly interrupted by leaving the cab and getting into the bed of her place.






Hermit house

Hermit house
Hermit house
Living like a
Cooped up mouse
Never ever ever leave
Keeping it all up my sleeve
Waiting to breathe
Waiting to be free

Trail of tragedies
Breeds true misery
Sign of the times
Living is the new crime


CHAPTER 39 MY OWN CRIMINAL RAT


For a moment when Johnny opened his eyes he felt confusion and couldn’t remember where he was. A beam of sunlight hitting his eyes that was cutting through the black out curtains on the windows made it difficult for him to focus. He lifted his head to escape the blinding light and saw people asleep around him all over the living room.  He tried to remember what happened but it was hazy after he ate the food. He considered that this bunch of surf town dudes might have laced the feast they had prepared for this shindig. He checked his clothes and there were no signs of a struggle or that anything had been removed.  He could smell the food again and looked over to the table and saw that enough was left to give him a good start but he didn’t want to take a chance that he would be out of it again. Whatever he couldn’t remember didn’t matter and his mind once again became driven on thoughts of getting to Tatiana’s house. He crept over the passed out partygoers and headed out again towards Tatiana’s house.

The morning air was brisk and the city so quiet he could hear his footsteps echo as he walked. He liked this time of day when no one was about and all asleep in their beds. Movement was easier and unfettered by the interruption of people moving to and fro on all sides.  By the time he reached Tatiana’s house it was mid afternoon and he could feel the weight of his legs as his light headed hunger tormented him to singularly focus on rest and nutrition. He went up to the door without trepidation this time knowing he had pulled off a great scam that all were benefiting from including Tatiana and she would surely be his welcoming protector again.

When he put his hand to the back screen door it jarred his hand off when the door didn’t open from the pulling thrust of his exuberance.  He tried again and it was clear that the screen door was now locked. He became puzzled and his adrenaline shook off his focus of hunger and rest and put his brain on overdrive. He scurried to the window to look inside and saw that there was nothing left in the kitchen and items were strewn in a way to confirm a quick clean out. He went to peer into the other windows and found the same thing and knew that Tatiana had left along with Rooskie. But where? He had no idea and his heart sank as he drove his fingers into his head trying to end the pain of what he felt from this abandonment until he remembered Rooskie’s room. He could go into it now that they were gone and see what else he could find.  Surely he would find Tatiana again and if he had enough he could eliminate Rooskie permanently. He broke the window and climbed in the window.

The house was dusky, dark and smelled stale and not a sound was heard but his own steps as he walked through the hallway towards Rooskie’s room. The liberation he felt in finally being able to walk into his room without about worrying whether he would be caught and punished exhilarated Johnny even more. When he thrust the door open only scraps of unused packing paper lifted slightly off the floor.  Rooskie had taken everything in that room with him and there was nothing to gain here. Johnny felt defeated and confused.  His head sagged and just then something shiny pierced through his teary eye. He wiped away his tears and picked up the object hoping he had found something of value. Twirling it around in his hand he realized it was a small hair accessory that was cheap and the kind you would find at a discount store.  Johnny threw it back down to the ground with a disgusted throw, it had no value to him and now he had another problem; he was alone again and broke.

Johnny decided he would spend some time resting here with the slight hope that Tatiana would return and began looking for any scraps of food that may have been left behind. The kitchen looked like the other rooms in the house; completely cleaned out but Johnny found some stale bread pieces that had apparently fallen out into one of the drawers and quickly ate them.  He found no other food.  Johnny’s sadness in Tatiana leaving him overwhelmed him as he curled into a ball on the kitchen floor wanting to disappear.

HAPPY EASTER!! YAH THAT'S RIGHT EASTER!!

it's time for a break....Easter break! More chapters are coming just not yet! Its EASTER!

CHAPTER 38 MY OWN CRIMINAL RAT


Johnny felt glee watching the politician he was successful in trapping into this wicked web, plead to Skinny Sam’s cold thugs to not ruin his life and his political career; he would do whatever Skinny Sam wanted. He agreed to payments of money, contracted work from the city and to be beholden to Skinny Sam entirely. The plan had worked so well Johnny was amazed at how easy it was and he felt confirmed in his own life plan that would never make him one who had to toil for money. Those were the fools to Johnny and all those people were below him; each and every one. Even this politician who worked for the people was a fool and deserved to get dicked and Johnny loved watching his downfall.  The perfect extortion scheme was at work again but now at an elevated level and Johnny saw the power that he could gain from it for himself.

‘Get out now!” the thug that watched over Johnny screamed at him from across the room. “Leave the dress and get out!” he screamed again and Johnny knew the best thing to do was to move quickly. As Johnny raised up from the bed he said “I need my stuff.” But the thug’s face was burning through Johnny knowing that his life hung on what he did next. He quickly moved to gather what he could even some food off the last room service as Skinny Sam’s thug kept his burning eyes on him. He passed the politician kneeling on the floor and their eyes met. The politician was defeated his red swollen eyes of despair meekly looked at Johnny for the last time. Johnny smiled as he thought the devil himself would do it. He ruled this man and it felt good.  The next thing Johnny knew he was outside the door of the lavish hotel room that he had enjoyed with familiar pleasure.  He stood for a moment staring at the door wanting to go back into that life and stay there. But he knew to live another day meant to do as Skinny Sam’s thugs wanted.

The night was cool and crisp and Johnny felt into his pocket for money to cab over to Tatiana’s house. She surely would be pleased with him and though Tatiana’s house was not the comfort that he was just enjoying through her he could surely get that again for himself. Another scam another plan to take down the stupid working fools and make them unwitting slaves to pay their money and give up their power too. The possibilities were limitless and Johnny could ride this easy ride forever. As he became more successful they would surely pay him a larger cut and maybe even give him some of that power obtained from the right victims.

His pocket had nothing and his hopes that Skinny Sam’s thugs had paid him were left unrealized. It would be another long walk but the night was the right weather and Johnny headed out with a spring in his step his head filled with visions of how far this could take him.

It was late in the evening but it was the weekend and the city was wide awake; businesses open welcoming the night creepers. Johnny walked by a nightclub that was in full swing. He could hear the roar inside as people enjoyed their night. A few people were straggling outside smoking and uninterested in Johnny not even looking his way just hurrying to get back inside and get back to the fun. Johnny thought about joining in but he wasn’t dressed like this crowd and his night had been good enough.  As he walked on further into the residential area a few houses were still alive with social gatherings and music blaring. “Hey you! Come on over man!” Johnny looked over at the group that had spilled onto the lawn of a small white adobe tiled home that are common in the older parts of Los Angeles.

Johnny stopped walking and got excited by the invitation for some free food and drinks that every party in this neighborhood offered. He didn’t move as he waited for the invitation to come out of the crowd again, moving his eyes back and forth trying to find anyone who was looking over at him. Just as he turned to start walking again, his heart sinking at the realization that he wasn’t getting free food and drinks after all, he heard it again. He quickly turned and this time saw someone motioning over to him.  A large man was looking over, his hand waving him towards the party.  Other people around began looking over at Johnny and now joined in the invitation. Johnny walked over not wanting to look too anxious to get to the free food and alcohol but couldn’t help assessing the free liquor offered inside as soon as he soon as he got close enough. He walked through the group towards the inside of the house as people milled around and walked in and out of the house; a moving environment that allowed him to move right into the house just by saying hello.

“Hey Dude what are you up to tonight? C’mon we’re having a great time here! Join us!” One of the men dressed in Hawaiian print shorts and a crisp white t-shirt put his hand on Johnny’s shoulder like a longtime friend he could trust.  Others were dressed in similar beachwear and Johnny thought that these fools wouldn’t be worth pulling a scam on. But the food he stuffed into his pockets from the hotel room was long gone and that walk made him extra hungry with miles to go. He could smell the food inside as he got nearer to the door and he knew immediately it was good Mexican; his stomach growling as its sweet aroma filled his nostrils. “What’s your name little dude?” another man asked as Johnny walked towards the food his blond hair sweeping back like an ocean wave.  “I’m Johnny dude and it’s good to meet you all” Johnny took pleasure in how real he sounded. He didn’t want to meet any of these idiots these were his lowest minions. “Nothing real to take from them” he thought hiding his inner scowl from being seen “Not enough money to support me as I expect and deserve and not enough money to get a large amount at once. “ He kept a friendly demeanor and smile on his face just long enough to get to their banquet table of food and rows of ready Margaritas. His world was one of lavish excess not budgeted fun now and then like this life was but the Margarita went down deliciously.