So Many Assholes

So many assholes
All around now
So many quick
To burn the wick
Of happy life
Pushing out their strife
Please assholes
Go get a life
Work hard and focus on
Your strife
That makes you an asshole
In Life
The rest of us are losing patience
With this asshole situation

Sit With Angels

Sit with your angels
Know they are there
Feel protected
Feel that they care.

God has his followers
That come to your aid
They save you again
And don't ask to be paid.

Watch for the devil
He is out there too
His followers hide
Make you guess who is who

Just take your time
Don't trust on a dime
You will see
Who is good

Bad Boy

All women listen
We have believed in men
But they always want to dominate us
Rule our life
Ask them…
WTF you get everything
Turn into a boy
Mama mama mama
Get me this
Get me that
Clean up after me
Make me money

Who am I?
Where did I go?
When will this end?
When passion ends….
When will we learn
That the bad boy is bad?

Woo hoo!

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There once was a man name Tucker
He was quite a little fucker
But when he wore his smiling face
Everyone else turned into suckers

He rose to the top of the food chain
Playing his little fucker game
No one knowing his true name
His winning smile remained the same.

One day he met another little fucker
His smile won him over like a sucker
He got knocked out of the game
His winning smile changed to shame.


You’re a bitch
You make me itch
Why do you have to be a such
A control freak
It is because you are weak
I think I have to sneeze
Get on your knees
Here come the bees
Bite bite bite
Don’t run for your life
Let the bees eat your strife
Cut out the disease like a knife
Maybe you will be fun again
Make life a ten again
Or you will just die
A miserable guy

Chapter 42 My Own Criminal Rat

Johnny scrubbed his shoes over the emptied house's kitchen floor back and forth as he stayed curled in a ball on the floor. He hoped the rhythm of his scraping would scratch out the thoughts of abandonment that he had. No money, no life, he was screwed again by people he thought would be there for him, taking care of him, to the end. This time he even put his finest effort in and Tatiana hadn't even given him a cut or a thank you. His blood began to boil and he could feel his rage building. He scraped his feat back and forth back and forth but it didn't work to quell the painful rush of thoughts that invaded his mind. He felt tears flood his eyes and could do nothing now but give into it finally. He was superior in every way to everyone but his life was not living up to his own perceived destiny.
Thoughts pushed in of his cold father now giving him warmth against the rest of the even much icier world. He longed to be in his old lush bedroom in his father’s castle.  It didn't seem like a castle before he left but looking back Johnny's vision was clearer on just how beautiful it was there. Nothing had compared to that life since and his confidence waned until all he could think to do is go beg his father to let him move back into his house of security and comfort. Tatiana had failed him and so had everyone else. He knew that even if he found her, this betrayal was reality and she would only betray him again.
He grabbed his chest and tried to squeeze the pain out. Nothing worked to relieve this pain it dug into him stealing his breath from the soul he had buried so deep he thought it no longer existed. He struggled to lift himself up knowing he had to leave this house before he died in it.  His legs didn't want to move but he pushed on until he was out the door and into the air outside. It surrounded him like an oxygen blast as he struggled to breath it in. It seemed like hours passed as crushed memories of Tatiana ripped away at him all the while he felt he was struggling against death itself.
He wouldn't die for her he wouldn't die for anyone. He would go back to his father and share again in his riches. By now, he thought, his father would be overjoyed to see him and forget about his previous ideas to make Johnny work. He could once again relax in that easy life again.
Thoughts of his past most wonderful life pushed him forward and gave him renewed strength against all the treachery of Tatiana. His posture began to return as he reached the sidewalk moving in the direction of his father's house imagining how wonderful life would be again until finally he was smiling again. He had no money and his clothes were soaked in the stench of his struggles. This was no way to return to his father and Johnny knew he had to either steal a dumb tourists wallet or turn a quick trick to get cleaned up. He wouldn't tell his father the truth about his life away of course.

A lie would serve him much better in getting what he wanted from his father as knowing the truth would only set Johnny back. He began thinking of the best lies to tell as he headed towards the streets he knew had the ripest crowds of suckers to get the money he needed quickly for fresh dapper clothes and a taxi cab ride to his father's house.
By the time he was in the middle of the crowds of tourists he felt like the real Johnny was back. He was headed back to being on top of the world the son of a wealthy man and back to his life of leisure. He had decided on the perfect lie for his father and easily picked the pockets of enough suckers to enact his planned return. He knew he was once again untouchable; a god.
Johnny spent the next few hours lavishing himself with his new stolen fortune regaining his strength until he could hardly recognize himself in the mirror. His new clothes and haircut made him look like he belonged in his father’s life of riches. He was impressed with his good clean look and knew his father would definitely approve. He called a cab out and jumped in happily providing the address that always impressed. As the cab jumped forward Johnny giggled happily.

Chapter 41 My Own Criminal Rat

In a moment of lust he whispered in her ear "you are crazy" it was meant with respect but her reaction to it caused him pause. She stopped as if her passion had an off switch and looked at him in a way he remembered all too well "he fucked up" he thought. The wrong words meant one way and taken another. And this was the worst because sex was ,likely off the table now. He tried to save himself and began quickly rambling and engaged in adornment kissing that would cause her to forgive his transgression. It seemed to work as she softened under his touch. He was thankful and she instantly became the hottest chick on earth and sexier then ever. He jumped in again back to his Valhalla and she seemed to too. This was his only heaven on earth. He was steps away from the room where all questioning all thought would stop. Only joy and ecstasy would remain inside him. She responded to his every move and he pushed back any thoughts of forever. There could be no forever for him. He knew that but still that thought like an instinct pushed at him at moments when life seemed perfect with a woman. But it never lasted and he was sick of trying to fix himself or anyone else to make it work.

They tumbled into the room like giddy newlyweds and he grabbed hold of her tight body dropping her to the bed. She was special but he resisted and took the moment instead of the future. She responded in kind without shame holding her back; a real woman. His high drifted into a magically restful sleep; he felt safe and right with the world for a moment.

Morning came too early but he scribbled his usual note and left while she slept. His work was all he really had and he was at acceptance so he didn't want to blow his payroll to frivolity. Before he knew it he was at his desk again. It was fucking ridiculous to him that they criminals stuck in prison created all their desks and chairs. He hunched over and went to work while the memory of Tatiana faded away in the muck as they all did. By the end of his work day he could barely remember her name. He went home sluggish and drained as he pulled himself up to the door of his quaint home. As he fumbled with his key he heard a voice behind him and he quickly turned as all cops did; being jumpy went with the business. Before he turned his head completely he saw her golden hair shimmer in his drained porch light and knew it was her. His gut wrenched as he questioned to himself how she found out where he lived. "Fuck" he thought "she's a fucking kook stalker!" He wanted to draw his gun and get rid of her quickly and easily but even a cop gets in trouble in this town if he pulls his gun so he just brushed his hand by it in longingly.

"Hi" he said " how you doing?" The words stuttered out of his mouth as he analyzed his own performance. He just wanted to sleep and do nothing more but he knew getting rid of her would take some time. "What are you doing here?" He knew saying this opened himself to trouble but he needed to get this over with quickly. He didn't have the stamina for any long session. She stared at him without speaking. She was dressed in the same clothes as the night before and at this realization he began wondering just what he had mixed himself up with. " Didn't you feel the same thing I did? Aren't you glad to see me?" As she spoke the words he rushed towards her and put his strong arms around her. It worked she was his again and he knew it. Now he just had to convince her that never seeing him again was the right thing for both of them.

Chapter 40 My Own Crimnal Rat

Jim looked down at the dull white paper. It was the next problem in a long string of the reality of an unending misery of life that he had experienced for so long it disgusted him. He wished he could regain his previous love for the job but he knew with certainty now that in this life there would be no time of glorious peace; that's heaven, you have to die to get there he thought. He sighed heavily as he watched the mixture of human demons and lost souls pushing by his cluttered desk. At least he was off the beat, his thoughts ran on as he sneered at one particularly disgusting representation of the human race walking by, those guys don't get any warning about what horror they are going to experience next. His mind wandered back to his life as beat cop while he fought to push out his long collection of disturbing memories from that life.

He pushed off his desk with his large but tired hands feeling the pins and needles of too many years of computers. He wanted to run out but knew better than to stand out here.  Do the job of turning the turnstile like an unemotional robot and go home and drink it away was the manageable routine that kept him going and the payroll checks of survival coming in.  But he just couldn't  finish off this day and felt the overwhelming urge to leave not caring if he ever saw another paycheck again. He felt his gun in his holster and it calmed him with the sense of protection he needed now. This was the only shield against  crime overrun everywhere as it has always been. Even Jesus was crucified with thieves and murderers he thought as he threw his emptied coffee cup in the full trash can turning to walk out.

As he walked towards the exit he looked at the floor worn out from relentless steps of the good and the evil. Suddenly his focus was interrupted by a bony nudge. He raised his head and caught the eyes of this one dead on. The gaze made his soul scream. He stepped quicker towards the door scratching at his tie. He filled his mind with the repetitive chant "few more steps few more steps" until sunlight hit him like pure oxygen to a suffocating man.

As he drove down the lumpy streets of Los Angeles he felt his heart beat slower and his body relaxed. Just being away was great therapy but liquor was required to keep the constant march of horrible memories out of his mind. He contemplated his long career and whether it was time to call it quits. The stress was overwhelming him and he needed relief beyond the few hours to the next work day.

He took a long drag off a cigarette and kept his eyes on the road in front of him. He didn't want to see the smut of LA that surrounded him. Even in the so called "good areas" Jim knew evil lived and was trained to see it even when others couldn't.

He had given up on relationships long ago. What his job did to him like most cops his wife was right to divorce him. He found comfort in occasional hook ups with women in the same predicament but for different reasons.

He decided to go to one of his spots to find just that; a little female therapy mixed with whiskey would be perfect medicine he thought as he turned the wheel into the parking lot of Sherries Place. A quiet upscale place that didn't have as many unpleasant people in it as most places and other cops didn't go here. Jim didn't like to spend his off time with his brethren he had enough at work of that.  He still knew it was the cops against everyone else they all knew that. Politicians with their bullshit solutions created greater divisions in people making it more dangerous for all of them.

As he walked through the dark green canopied side entrance to the bar area he pushed out his cigarette. As soon as he entered he did a quick scan for a seat at the bar. The lunch crowd was gone but it was still healthy and when he saw a seat he hurried over to it.

A woman was sitting next to him her flowing blonde hair touching his shoulder with their light strands. She looked eastern block to him, older but still sexy. She slowly drank a martini unattached to anything going on. Jim was considering engaging her but needed time to get a drink down first. The busy bartender tended to his needs swiftly which was one of the reasons Jim liked this place.

Soon Jim had his first drink down and he finally had control his own thoughts again. He decided not to analyze what happened at work anymore. A break had worked in the past and he was working on that for now. Jim had learned that too much thinking could be bad and out of control thinking was much worse.

He drank down the sweet oaky whiskey feeling it coat his whole body with a deeper release. Before Jim had a chance to make a final decision about making a move on the woman she spoke to him. "Hello" she said her voice as sexy as she was with an accent that confirmed to Jim he had it right. "Hello" Jim responded falling into the confidence from his drink with a familiar ease. "What's your name good looking" Jim reached out for more. She tilted her head toward him her blonde hair glistening. Jim became mesmerized in her deep eyes. "Tatiana and thank you. You are pretty dark and handsome yourself" she let out a soft giggle that left Jim wondering about the sincerity of her compliment but with his intentions of a brief encounter it didn't matter to him much.  He wanted to kiss her and forget about the niceties that women who aren't prostitutes wanted before they would allow a kiss or have sex. But he knew being that reckless act would blow it with her so he resisted his urge working instead on being the man she needed him to be to get his time with her and that gave him the highest chance at ending up in bed with her.

"So do you have a name?" She gave him a look that seemed she knew he was excited by her. " Jim laughed "I'm sorry you are just so beautiful. My name is Jim it's a pleasure to meet you. Are you here alone? " as he spoke he reconsidered every word as it left his mouth not wanting to fail with her. "Yes I am. I had a date but he didn't show up so that's over." As she spoke her red lips distracted him but he could hear her words confirming he had a chance.

Hours passed while Jim enjoyed Tatiana's company so much he completely forgot he had another life before he walked into that bar. She was not only beautiful she was smart and funny. Jim lied to her about his job as he always did. Being a cop made people nervous and if it was a criminal you met it made it downright dangerous.  But he was relaxed with her no bells and whistles going off to suspect her as being evil. She seemed to genuinely be enjoying herself too. But Jim didn't try to fool himself into thinking it works like this when he's deep with a woman. This only worked for a short time after that his work life spilled into it and things go bad.

She said she was a healer and he didn't consider it for himself as it wasn't the kind of ritual he was interested in.  She was trying to make people feel better for a living and that was fine with him. He needed to feel better and she was just what the doctor ordered. Jim actually felt happy and against that great low today he felt he was getting a little taste of contentment heaven. He started feeling like himself again and Tatiana fell easy agreeing to extend this escapade to the best end of these encounters for Jim.

He put his arm around her waist feeling her fit form enjoying confirming his previous visual ideas about the body underneath her clothes and his body felt warmer instantly.  She didn't resist instead falling into his body feeling that perfect fit as he did. He arranged to go to her place which was always Jim's preference leaving in a cab so she wouldn't know his car.  She was comfortable enough that Jim knew this wasn't her first rodeo. The address she gave the cab driver surprised Jim because it was in the part of LA that took a lot of money to live in and the address was a high end condominium complex. She didn't seem poor but he didn't think that she was this well off either. But he didn't worry about it Tatiana was fabulous and he stopped caring about anything the whiskey swirling in his brain accentuating his confidence as he moved in close to her.  She reciprocated and Jim fell into the wonderful world of ecstasy only briefly interrupted by leaving the cab and getting into the bed of her place.

Hermit house

Hermit house
Hermit house
Living like a
Cooped up mouse
Never ever ever leave
Keeping it all up my sleeve
Waiting to breathe
Waiting to be free

Trail of tragedies
Breeds true misery
Sign of the times
Living is the new crime