Chapter 41 My Own Criminal Rat

In a moment of lust he whispered in her ear "you are crazy" it was meant with respect but her reaction to it caused him pause. She stopped as if her passion had an off switch and looked at him in a way he remembered all too well "he fucked up" he thought. The wrong words meant one way and taken another. And this was the worst because sex was ,likely off the table now. He tried to save himself and began quickly rambling and engaged in adornment kissing that would cause her to forgive his transgression. It seemed to work as she softened under his touch. He was thankful and she instantly became the hottest chick on earth and sexier then ever. He jumped in again back to his Valhalla and she seemed to too. This was his only heaven on earth. He was steps away from the room where all questioning all thought would stop. Only joy and ecstasy would remain inside him. She responded to his every move and he pushed back any thoughts of forever. There could be no forever for him. He knew that but still that thought like an instinct pushed at him at moments when life seemed perfect with a woman. But it never lasted and he was sick of trying to fix himself or anyone else to make it work.

They tumbled into the room like giddy newlyweds and he grabbed hold of her tight body dropping her to the bed. She was special but he resisted and took the moment instead of the future. She responded in kind without shame holding her back; a real woman. His high drifted into a magically restful sleep; he felt safe and right with the world for a moment.

Morning came too early but he scribbled his usual note and left while she slept. His work was all he really had and he was at acceptance so he didn't want to blow his payroll to frivolity. Before he knew it he was at his desk again. It was fucking ridiculous to him that they criminals stuck in prison created all their desks and chairs. He hunched over and went to work while the memory of Tatiana faded away in the muck as they all did. By the end of his work day he could barely remember her name. He went home sluggish and drained as he pulled himself up to the door of his quaint home. As he fumbled with his key he heard a voice behind him and he quickly turned as all cops did; being jumpy went with the business. Before he turned his head completely he saw her golden hair shimmer in his drained porch light and knew it was her. His gut wrenched as he questioned to himself how she found out where he lived. "Fuck" he thought "she's a fucking kook stalker!" He wanted to draw his gun and get rid of her quickly and easily but even a cop gets in trouble in this town if he pulls his gun so he just brushed his hand by it in longingly.

"Hi" he said " how you doing?" The words stuttered out of his mouth as he analyzed his own performance. He just wanted to sleep and do nothing more but he knew getting rid of her would take some time. "What are you doing here?" He knew saying this opened himself to trouble but he needed to get this over with quickly. He didn't have the stamina for any long session. She stared at him without speaking. She was dressed in the same clothes as the night before and at this realization he began wondering just what he had mixed himself up with. " Didn't you feel the same thing I did? Aren't you glad to see me?" As she spoke the words he rushed towards her and put his strong arms around her. It worked she was his again and he knew it. Now he just had to convince her that never seeing him again was the right thing for both of them.