CYBER MATING

Man are you a trip

Didn’t ever expect it

At least not to this degree

Now I’m trying to forget it

Ok maybe I had an inkling

Your first words weren’t exactly twinkling

But they weren’t to the level of ding a ling

Either

Complexities can’t be revealed

Through any IM deal

That is the real

Of cyberspace spiel.

What you read

Isn’t what you get

What you feel

Isn’t what comes next

But wish you could’ve told me

In all those IM plays

That you were a flaming mama’s boy

Never to become my manly toy

Really should add that question to my 20 game

Sionara so for now

Thanks for joining me for chow

No next level for you and me

“Cause you got issues you see

That I see as disease

Do You Like My Lipstick?

Don't Be A Fat Head

The Bean RESISTS!

Move Jumbalaya MOVE!

Oh Jumbalaya why you standing there
With your yellow hair
And a boring stare
With that black squiggly all around there

Wake up now Jumbalaya wake up
Before that squiggle eats your soul
Comes from living on the stoop
Living without stories of living to be told.

It's marked you man
That's why it's flying all around
It's gonna turn you into sand
If you don't start living with sound.

Move Jumbalaya MOVE!
You can see this through
Just change your boring attitude
Do it quick you stupid boring tool.

Poor poor Jumbalaya
Gotten eaten by the black squiggly thing
Life lacking passion and desire
Caused his life to have this ending.

Space Man Fraud Man

Space man
Hey! That's sand!
You landed in the sea
See that water
What else could it be?

Space goo?
What a stupid dude
Take that helmet off
It's water that you'll cough.

Hey! A long shot
Now you're really caught
Thought that suit was bought
You phony go off and rot.

Watch out a shark
What the fark?
Poor space dude
What a stupid boob.

COME HERE AND PET THE DEER!

Hey look over here

And don’t have fear

How about a beer

You can pet my reindeer.

Don’t mind the frothy mouth

The reindeer might be going south

He jumped in my car right after

That awful car accident disaster.

He told me quietly to drive

He wanted to see the other city side

Before he laid down and died.

But low and behold

The truth be told

He’s been real bold

And life still holds.

So pet him gently now

As he waits to go down south

Leave the land of the sun

And go off to have more fun.

We are the last he’ll see

On the planet with the blue sea

And we should make it good

Like any cool dude would.

Take him to a vet

Forget it just give him a pet

Those dudes will just inspect

Before they lethally inject.

He wants to see the sky

While he waits quietly to die

And I just want him to be happy now

Before he goes up through the clouds.

Aren’t his spots great

I wonder if he had a mate

To bad he crossed the road today

When my car passed in his way.

Goodbye now there he goes

I know by his curling toes

See you later alligator

Hope I see you again later.

Sady Gets Cracked

Sady sat all night

Watching men fight

Such an interesting sight.

Ducking left to right

Fists of fight fly by

Keeping all in sight

Imaginary referee delight.

Genes of warrior days

Fill this play

With a gleeful array

Of enthusiastic knaves.

Trouble then ensues

An uncontrolled brew

Of hormone stew

Took control of the brood.

Crack! Sady was hit

Fell into a pit

Stunk like a crypt

Popped one tit.

Came to in the morn

Her clothes were all torn

Didn’t fill her with scorn

Just got up and went home.

Screw The Old Farts!

Kids are running all around

Adults are screaming wearing frowns

Can’t recall that kids need fun

Can’t recall their days of playing in the sun.

What’s wrong with those old farts?

Looks like they all got stuck with darts

Kids are supposed to yell and scream

Not supposed to not be heard or seen.

There goes an old fart now

Screaming and yelling at the kids so loud

He has gathered a voyeur crowd

Does that make him feel proud?

What an old fat sow.

The kids flip him rightly off

Tell him they won’t ever stop

Doing what kids do each day

Living life through wonderful play.

Good for them I say

Tell that old fart he can’t have his way

Kids are here to stay and play

Will keep going on ‘till the end of days

And he just needs to go away

If he can’t stand the way they play.

Hope those kids don’t grow up like him

Don’t grow up and commit the sin

Of old farts trying to end the fun

Of wonderful kids playing in the beautiful sun.

THANK GOD FOR CHOCOLATE AND FAST CARS TOO

Thank God for chocolate

And fast cars too

Thank God for gambling

And making great booze.

Thank God for Sea Doos

And all of the natural wonders

That keep me entertained

And thinking less of plunder.

Thank God for boats

That sail me far away

Watching turtles swim by

Being lazy all day.

Thank God for planes

That fly me away

Into new blue skies

To a new place in a day.

Thank God for pools

Swim and get tan

Thank God for beaches

And all that great wild sand.

Thank God for summer

Don’t have to drive the Hummer

Run around all day in the sun

Life is less of a bummer.

Thank God for comedians

Make me laugh out loud

Turn blue into happy

Turn sad into proud.

Thank God for the red white and blue

Even if it’s a little screwed up

Better than living somewhere else

Where they tell me how to dress up.

Thank God for good people

That aren’t evil and bad

If there were more bad than good

The good would be so sad.

Thank God for life

Adventure of the ride

Even when things are tough

Being alive fills me with pride

I have survived!

Hurry Hurry Get Your New Drugs!

Scientists all gather around

White coats abound

Telling us what they have found

Telling us that it is profound.

A new treatment for this or that

Hiding details like big old rats

Side effects that are really crap

Pretending we don’t care about that.

Other details left out too

Like clinical trials that didn’t do

The job without some added brew

That they aren’t going to give to you.

Who will read that stuff they say

No one suspects us to play

With words we use to get us paid

These white coats let us have our way.

New drugs are the white coats game.

TV hasn’t been the same

Drug us all is their lofty aim

Drug us all is a money game.

Smoking drugs tell us there’s hope

Actually make us all dopes

Don’t speak the truth or the real

Trying to make tons of money on the deal.

New drugs create bloody rain

Livers die and strokes are gained

People are never the same

Losers in the new drug game.

Human biology so complex

White coats still remain perplexed

While pretending to have the perfect hex

Scribble out another RX.

Not all drugs are bad it’s true

Many have helped me and you

Just be careful what you do

If you don’t need it don’t ensue

Ingestion of any new brew.

Dream it LIVE IT!

Keep the faith against all

Who think small

Who believe you will fall

And don’t know how to stand tall.

Everyone never agrees

And some love to spread the disease

Of bringing your dreams to it’s knees

But it’s not the minority you seek to please

It’s only the majority that needs to agree.

If you have creative vision

Don’t let the minority create division

Stand strong like convicted religion

And don’t let minorities define your position.

Hold your dreams tight

Put up a fight

Let insecurities take flight

And keep doing what’s right.

If you feel it in your soul

You don’t need to be told

Whether your dreams will hold

Stand strong and be bold.

That’s the only way

Your dreams will last the days

Work hard and every day

Pay dues you have to pay

Work hard to have your way.

Then you will see

How happy you’ll be

When your dreams are real

Faith and work sealed the deal.

Thereafter you can say

To all those in the negative way

To bad you didn’t stay

And help me on my way

Have anything good to say

Now just get the hell away!

Parenting in the Real

Once a child

Grew up to be wild

For a little while

Then had a child.

Responsibilities burst

Diapers and bottles first

Temper tantrums curse

Need as much money as Hearst.

Making it through fine

Then comes teenage time

Use up the last dimes

Swerve to avoid crimes.

End comes

Look back at the fun

Almost came undone

Sometimes wanted to run.

Little people all grown up

Living life doing grown up stuff

Bathed in love but it was rough

Parenting is more than tough.

Once a child

Grew up to be wild

For a little while

Then had a child.

TWO MORE DAYS FOR CASH TO BLOOM

I don’t know where to start

Make sure nothing falls apart

Make me want to fart

And taxes my poor heart.

Week is ending soon

Two more days to work the room

Make giant stacks of cash bloom

Work to avoid financial ruin.

Jump in and swim to stay alive

Don’t jump in I won’t survive

Dreams to goals a constant strive

Towards happier days and bluer skies

Hopes my heart will survive

The stress of being a working guy.

WHY DOES WAITING TAKE SO LONG?!

I can’t stand waiting anymore

Waiting to know whether I will be sore

Or happy when I find out more

It’s affecting me down to the core

I don’t feel like I can take it anymore.

Nervous tension, fear of losing

It would be easier to start snoozing

Or maybe I should start boozing

Damn I’m starting to feel woozy.

Clock ticks by slow at first

Later faster like a ticking bomb

So loud my eardrums might burst

Why does waiting take so long?!

Trying to hang I tell myself I know

That there is only a short time to go

Before I will finally know

Whether things will end high or low.

Sick it’s a Friday that this happened on

I thought I’d be off today to write bird songs

Instead I’m ordered to wait all day to carry on

A high tension high stakes telephone call.

It’s sick and twisted this tense tense life!

Does anyone else have this kind of strife?

How do they continue to survive?

How do they stay alive?

If I win, my day will end with glee

If I lose, I’ll end my day unhappily

Either way before that can be

Clammy hands and insanity

Work a war against me.

But I know that when the time comes

I won’t act like a stupid nervous bum

But a rather a quite intelligent chum

Because there is important work to be done

And I won’t leave anything undone

And will be again the one

That won.

INTERNET CRITICS

If you don’t like

What I write

Please be polite

And do what’s right

If you don’t agree

And cannot see

The poet in me

I might catch the disease

Of trying to please

And lose my off beat creativity.

So even if you hate

Everything I create

And can’t appreciate

The rhyme I make

Who I am is at stake

And what you hate

Others actually might appreciate

But your hate

might create

A terminal quake.

So if you don’t like

What I write

Try to be polite

And do what’s right

Or I might kill your stupid ass tonight.

Burn a Trail Move Like a Snail

Burn a trail

Move like a snail

It’s all in the tale

Of making the sale.

Consumers inspected

Completely dissected

Money’s respected

Nothing else is detected.

Products a plenty

Land of honey

Land of money

Retail business sunny.

Burn a trail

Move like a snail

It’s all in the tale

Of making the sale

Oh Stinking Monday!

Oh stinking Monday

Definitely not a fun day

Fun goes sinking away

No more play

For five more days.

Alarm sounds off

Time to run don’t stop

Huff and Puff

It’s hard to get up.

Sit and stare

Like a zombie bear

Feels like I don’t care

Looking for something to wear.

Add some caffeine

Now it’s a different scene

Feel like Steve McQueen

On an action movie screen.

Commute away

Gotta get paid

To live you have to pay

No one has a say.

Get there stare at the computer screen

Not what I imagined when I was a teen

Maybe I’ll just scream and make a scene

Forget it time to grab more caffeine.

Work next five days

Cutting deals the American way

No deals cut there’s hell to pay

Work hard to make things go my way.

Oh stinking Monday

Definitely not a fun day

Fun goes sinking away

No more play

For five more days.

INLAWS! HELLS BELLS!

I went to my in laws today

It went the same way

As it has every other day

Bored to death and having to stay.

Try to be polite and kind

Can’t do it right every time

Sometimes I just lose my mind.

Doting mothers a