I saw the devil today
He walked right by and said "HEY!"
I said," Devil I see who you are now go away!"
He said, "Man don’t you know I’m here to the end of days?"
"What do you do here exactly?", I said
"Do you wait until bad people are dead
Then carry them to their punishment bed
Give them a taste of all the bad they did?"
"That’s part of what I do it’s true
And HA HA you should see the face of those dudes
When they see me when they’re through
Like they never really believed hell was true
They really act like some serious noobs
You should come with me and see what they do
You’d get a great laugh at them too!"
"No thanks", I said "I have things to get done
And I really think I have to run
In fact I think I’ll go visit a priest or a nun
Hey maybe even become one."
"Relax", the devil told me
"I am actually quite quite lonely
And you are really the only
Human I met that isn’t a boob
And I really want to spend time with you
Maybe we can be friends too."
"I don’t think that would be a good idea
I wouldn’t want anyone to hear
They might run from me forever with fear
If they knew I lent you an ear.
But hey while you are still here
I’m willing to crack a beer
Talk with you for a moment to hear
About your plans for this planet here."
"Damn!" the devil said
"It’s hard being someone everyone dreads
Except for all those jerks I punish when they’re dead
They make absolutely terrible friends."
"Whatever!" I said, "You shouldn’t have pissed God off
Tried to take control and been so rough
And by the way all that other stuff
You did to the people on this planet that’s tough
That isn’t exactly friendly stuff."
"HA!" the devil said "Don’t give me all the credit for bad
You humans can act on your own like real hags
And though I admit of course that it makes me glad
That’s mostly just them on their own being bad.
Once in a while I do tinker for fun
Give little pushes to make people undone
But those people were already living life under the sun
Doing bad shit to absolutely everyone"
"And by the way" the devil said
"Some of that bad shit is what God did
Get’s mad at you humans for various types of shit
Then brings down some serious wrath because of it.
I mean look at all that religious warring shit
Using God’s name to justify the killing bit
Think that doesn’t get him pissed
Man believe me He does and that’s the truth of it."
Suddenly the devil began jumping up and down
"C’mon!" he said "it’s close to the death of another clown
Think he might have drowned
Come with me to the edge of town
You can see what I mean and laugh a round
When I show up and pound him down
To hell’s fire and brimstone ground."
"No thanks" I said " I have things to get done
And like I said I really think I have to run
In fact I think I’ll go visit a priest or a nun
Hey maybe even become one."
"Don’t worry" the devil said
"You have nothing at all to dread
You’ve always been a pretty good kid
I have no plans whatsoever to be at your death bed
Of course unless you change your head
Between now and the time that you’re dead."
"Don’t worry" I told the devil
"As much as my life can be disheveled
I’m never suckered by any evil
Though I must admit it’s been considered
when fighting against an evil rival."
With that the devil bounced off to the right
Disappeared in the thick of the night
I always thought the devil would fly
Oh well that was still one crazy sight!
I’ll head to the left now instead of the right!
